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Good things are happening.

It's amazing the people you meet and the connections you make just by opening yourself up a little bit. I've never been one to strike up a conversation with a stranger, or to be welcoming to a random conversation with someone I barely know. I'm not the most trusting of people, and I realize this probably doesn't make for the most pleasant of exchanges sometimes. Maybe it's me growing up a bit or just being more comfortable in my daily surroundings, but I've been talking to people. People that I've seen around for years and I've never bothered to learn their names. People that I barely talked to in college or in high school. People may be a little scary, but people are interesting. There are a lot of people that are helpful and giving, just because you've had a few conversations with them. They have a lot to offer. Interacting and communicating more with strangers and even people I've known forever helps motivate me. It helps me be creative. It makes me want to have more to offer too. It makes me happy. ...Just don't sit down next to me on a multi-hour plane ride and expect me to talk back. I don't think that will ever happen.

Wow!! I haven't posted in SO long. About 3 weeks ago I stopped working at my desk job. I started an apprenticeship with an artist, Andrea Rosenfeld. And I'm waitressing. It's going to be an interesting journey back into art!

Today is my one year mark at my job.

I keep typing and then erasing... I'm not sure what to write about because I'm not sure how to feel.

One year full of heartbreak, loss and pain. One year of wondering if I should stick it out or not, if being an adult means being unhappy.

A year is a long time, long enough to become comfortable with something so unnatural and uncomfortable for me. Enough time to almost convince myself it's worth it.


One year at a job that is slowly sucking all creative energy from me.

I miss colors, I miss creating. I miss talking about things that matter. I miss spending most of my time with people who care and who I care about. Office gossip is so depressing, sometimes I feel like it could suffocate me.

And the worst part is I don't know how to get out. A year is enough to scare me away from making a change, to go back to the unknown and explore, in life and in creativity.

I know I can't start over, but how do I start again?

12feb11

my website's done! www.nikileist.com

i painted some this weekend. will more either today or tomorrow too.

hey january, see you next week.

i've never really been one to make resolutions, but these are some things i'm planning on doing this year:

1/ i'm signing up for a sprint triathlon. it's a 300 yard swim, 10.5 mile bike ride, and 3 mile run. these numbers might not seem like a lot, but i think it's something completely out of character for me to do... and it's something for me to look forward to. and it's good for me.

2/ i'm going to make a schedule for myself to make art. i have (almost) a permanent schedule at my job, which means that i can make a permanent schedule to make art. and i have no excuses to not stick to it. i'm cleaning out my space and organizing everything (starting tonight) because my biggest excuse is that i don't have space.

3/ i'm going to start shopping for myself and cooking more. since moving back home i don't do that anymore. i like cooking. i like eating healthy. why not?

14" by 18"


close up

i'm starting where i left off. except maybe even farther back than that. i'm starting small because that's what i can afford, and hopefully what others can afford too. i'm starting with familiar colors and a familiar process in the hopes that it will lead me to something new. it doesn't really matter where i'm starting; it matters that i have started.

sometimes you just need to GET OUT... and i am while i can.

today at work i spilled a huge glass of iced tea all over a customer. luckily he was nice and told me it was okay because he was already wet from the pouring rain. i got a $10 tip anyway.

then i decided to tell my managers that i'm not finishing my two weeks, and went home and booked a flight to Los Angeles... for $10.

be back in time for my new job!!

x

my life has become a warning story.

check out my etsy

if you want to buy something click here

after the shittiest week comes good news.......

1- i have a job interview in a little over an hour. waitress, but i dont care it's something, with good money.

2- i'm working out a contract with a company that makes paintings into prints and sells them at places like crate & barrel and hotel lines.

3- there's a job opening at a friend's travel agency and she knows the head of HR. travel is number two for me.

4- my show is in TWO DAYS (hopefully sell some paintings, and get to party with a lot of people i love)

5- i'm getting over this cold quick

6- i have another show in November!!!!!!!!

FIRST FRIDAY INVITE

September 3 · 6:00pm - 10:00pm
Loose Threads Boutique
9 W 4th Street
Bethlehem, PA

my show at Loose Threads Boutique is in TEN DAYS. which means i hang in less than that. unfortunately, i've been thinking about what i'm going to wear more than what i'm going to show. great way to look at things... probably NOT.

i have SO MUCH to choose from. Four years of stuff from Arcadia. I don't know how to go about this. The fact that they'll be on sale is keeping me from choosing my favorites. This is a shop, not a gallery. this isn't school. i get the feeling people want to buy art with bright colors and recognizable things. i haven't painted recognizable things in such a long time... so long that i don't really feel connected to those paintings anymore. i dont really feel anything when i look at them.

i also have about 100 paintings at my grandparents' house that i haven't even looked at yet. maybe i'll just lay everything i like out and let everyone else choose.

can i do that with my real life too?

The National - About Today (@ Spin)

preeeeeeeetty. the national's good for miserable days. and any day.

"i steer clear of definitions. i don't know what i want. i am inconsistent, non-committal, passive; i like the indefinite, the boundless; i like continual uncertainty." -gerhard richter

this used to be my favorite quote. it made sense for a long time. in art, in relationships, in living. i'm starting to realize i deserve better. from myself and from others.

x.

Today

i contacted 4 different places to either show art in the area, or to teach art in the area. summer's almost over. summer job's almost over. no more excuses.

i do have a show next month with a first friday opening. I'm excited. It's at Loose Threads Boutique in Bethlehem.

Silversun Pickups - "Lazy Eye" (Single Edit Version) Dangerbird Records

dear steph, i love when the songs you love i love.

swear i spent hours on this

this might be one of those paintings that doesnt get any better no matter how much time i spend with it or how much time i spend away from it.